Having Hand...
There's a great Seinfeld episode about "having hand" as it pertains to having control in a relationship. There's a memorable quote in which the woman George is dating breaks up with him, but he crys out, "You can't break up with me, I have hand!"
Do relationships really involve that kind of power structure? Is someone always the dominat position over the other? I think so, but should it be? Not ideally.
The best relationships are the ones in which there is an equal sharing and open communication, but this rarely happens. I'm luck that I have a group of friends who simply accept me for who I am. They stand by me when I need support, they criticize me when I need criticism, we laugh, we cry, these are my good friends, there is no judging, there is no "hand."
These relationships though are people I've known more than half my life now. We've grown together from adolescents to adults. In my more recent relationships, there is definitely a sense on "hand," especially when it comes to women. As I posted before, I often behave like a puppy dog in the presence of an attractive woman, thus automatically taking a submissive role in the relationship. I don't like this position and have set about trying to change that. I want my relationships with the fairer sex to be more even-handed but to get there I need to take some sense of control, something I have only recently done. Boy does it feel good!
I must avoid the trap of having a sense of too much control though because just when one thinks they have control of a relationship, is when one loses it. The last thing I want is to be drunk on power and lose the hand I'm playing. As the woman who broke up with George retorted to his cry, "...and you're gonna need it!" That's the last thing I want!
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Pushover

I had resolved not to be involved in any more recruiting activities for Stony Brook. Not that I didn't enjoy the activities associated with the recruiting process, meeting new people, decent lunches and dinners but I didn't want to lie to people anymore and convince them that Stony Brook was a good place to go to grad school. Well, push came to shove today and I was asked to participate in a recruiting dinner this evening. I'll do it, but what really bothers me is the way I was asked.
So I was working away when a friend called the lab today, I was in the midst of things and was not really thinking about the evening. I had made plans to have dinner at Green Cactus and attend a movie screening of an independent movie Loser's Lounge with a friend. Same friend calls up and instantly I could tell by the tome of her voice that she wanted something, she was speaking the that kinda soft somewhat sweet southern drawl she uses when she asks for favors. Seems like she was recruited to attend this dinner with perspective student, cool, then she asked me if I wanted to attend, because there was not enough people attending.
As I said, I really don't want to do any more of these, and I had made that clear to her and to the people in charge of the grad student recruiting process. I had succeeded in avoiding particpating in any of these events up to this point but damn the trickery, I had just committed to attend a recruiting dinner.
Why does this bother me so? It seems I'm a pushover, I'll do anything for a female if she asks right. I'll drive through the ice and rain to change a tire despite the incompetence of the male on the scene. I'll cancel plans I've had for months to pick a friend up from the train station. Hell, I'll toss my principles if asked. If I don't have my prinicples, I'm nothing.
Sure some could say, oh I'm just a nice guy. But I really feel that I'm jello in the hands of female-kind. Why? Because I don't understand them? Because I haven't killed my catholic conscience? Because I don't get laid enough? Aaarrrggghh! I really don't know why I'm like this, but it bothers me, and I really wish it didn't. Relationships, even between friends are not about control, but it seems sometimes that I'm one of Pavlov's dogs just waiting for the bell to ring but in my case, the bell is the sweet sensual voice of a woman.
Gotta go to dinner now.
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